Not the only one
I’ve heard this same story from so many of my fellow adoptees.
The view of Holt is quite different from this side of the triad…
from Seoul Searching
As some of you may already know, I’ve been patiently searching for birth family during the past eight months here. After much time, patience, arguing, persistence, and waiting, my adoption agency finally released some information to me. If anyone plans to adopt in the future, please refrain from adopting through Holt. Dealing with their post-adoption services has been perhaps one of the most frustrating experiences in my life. They deal with adult adoptees who return to Korea seeking their files in a completely cold-hearted, insensitive and distant manner.
The first time I met with the social worker she treated me as if I was creating this huge burden for her and all of Holt for asking to see my file. It is apparently “against Holt policy” to release any personal or identifying information of the birth parents, and besides, “why do you want to search for your birthmother anyways?” After being denied information on countless occasions, I realized that following the Korean model of persistence is the only way you will get what you want. By American standards it would be called stalking, but culturally in Korea, if you really want something in life it’s better to show your commitment and desire for it by being persistent, rather than waiting for that thing to come to you. (And yes, that is why I have found so many Korean guys to be stalkers. But apparently in Korea they’re not being freaky stalkers, but rather showing the girl how much they respect and like her).
To make a long story short, I’ve spent the last three months relentlessly calling, visiting, and emailing this one social worker who is dealing with my case. I don’t think she means to be a cold-hearted, insensitive bi*** (excuse my French) but that’s how she comes across. Anytime I have dealt with her she makes me feel like a complete stranger, treats me as if I am inconveniencing her life, and is completely ingenuine. One of the worst feelings in the world is sitting across from this woman as she clutches onto my file for dear life, as if I am going to leap across the table, snatch it and run away with all of my birthmother’s information. Yes I realize it’s Holt’s policy, but I cannot quite grasp the concept that this complete stranger can hold the answers to my life, yet can deny me anything and everything that I yearn to know. After 9 grueling months, I have finally found just enough information to begin piecing together the puzzle of my life. It’s barely enough information to know anything, but it’s hopefully just enough to lead to the answers of my unanswered questions….